Home Alone 5¹
Synopsis: A 40-year-old mother of two is left behind when the kids’ father takes the family to the grandparents’ house for the weekend. Mayhem and hilarity ensue.
That’s right, I have the house to myself this weekend. John took the kids down to his parents’ last night, and I stayed home. (Except that I wasn’t home, I was at a conference hosted by my program in Boston. Minor details. I still came home. And was alone.) John’s brother is visiting my in-laws, and leaving tomorrow, so John wanted to get down there while he was still in town. I, however, had committed to being in Boston for the conference. The miraculous result is that I have a whole weekend free of parenting responsibilities.³
Can you guess what it is that I most fantasize about doing?
Not setting the alarm.
I didn’t get to do that this morning, my first morning home alone. I had to leave the house by 7:30 to get back to the conference, as I was scheduled to chair the morning session. But tomorrow… tomorrow, I have not committed to going in. In fact, I have committed to not going in. I have committed to sleeping in.
I realize that there is a strong possibility that my sleep binge fantasy will not be realized. I can envision any or all of the following happening:
- I will wake up early with a cough or cold
- I will wake up early with a headache or a stomachache
- I will wake up early with leprosy or rabies
- I will dream that the house is on fire and wake early in a panic
- The power will go out, causing the smoke detector to beep, which will make me wake early in a panic
- I will dream that I am back in high school and it’s finals day and I haven’t been to a class all semester and I don’t even know what room it’s in and wake early in a panic
- The kids will figure out how to use the phone and call me at 6:30 in the morning
- I will get a wrong number phone call from India at 5:30 in the morning
- Bumbling burglars will attempt to break in at 4:30 in the morning
- Aliens will come and abduct me at 3:30 in the morning
I can only hope that if it’s aliens, they put me in a quiet cell and let me sleep some more.
Beyond the goal of sleeping in, I also plan to work up some data, review some journal articles for a paper I need to write, read up on logistic regression and maybe mixed models, as well as clean out the refrigerator, bake some muffins and do some laundry. Hilarity and mayhem will ensue.
¹ Can you believe that there have been 4 Home Alone movies? I haven’t actually seen any of them.²
² Can you believe that Macauley Culkin is over 30 years old now? Holy crap.
³ I suppose I will have to parent again when they come home tomorrow evening. But I’ll have most of the day, right?