The Unbearable Tightness of Pants


Conflict.
Betrayal.
Angst.

Pants.

The Pants Institute proudly presents the Pants Cinema Film Festival: Masterpieces of Pants Drama.

Here are some of the films on the schedule:

    The Unbearable Tightness of Pants: A young woman feels increasingly uncomfortable in her pants, while her husband seems unable to keep his own pants on.

    What’s Eating Gilbert’s Pants: A young man is disturbed to realize that clothes moths have gradually overtaken his family’s closets.

    My Own Private Pants: Two misfit young men in misfitting pants embark on a journey to find pants that fit them more comfortably.

    The Last Pants of Disco: A pair of young women struggle to adapt to the changing pants fashions at the start of the 80s, and must bid their bellbottoms goodbye.

    Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Pants: When a man picks up his clothing from the drycleaners, he finds the pants that are returned to him to be hauntingly familiar, yet he can’t remember ever wearing them.

    The Remains of the Pants: An aging butler reflects on his life of service, and notices how threadbare his trousers have become.

    Pants in Translation: A young American woman visits Tokyo, and is unhappy to find that she can’t find the Japanese word for “pants” in her phrase book.

    The Pants Hereafter: A town struggles to cope with the gap left by the closing of a prominent pants retailer.

    Pants Labyrinth: A young girl tries on magic pants to escape the dark realities of her family life.

    Pants of a Lesser God: Not all pants are made the same. See label for care instructions.

    Pretty in Pants: A teenage girl runs into conflict when she announces that she wants to wear tuxedo pants to her high school prom.

    Edward Scissorpants: I can’t even go there. Ouch.

——-
I’ve been keeping these pants packed up for ages, and it seems a fine time to air them out.

12 responses to “The Unbearable Tightness of Pants

  1. How To Pants Your Dragon: In which a dragon is made to wear the pants.

  2. Pants & Prejudice: “In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love your pants.”

  3. The Princess Pants. “My name is Inigo Montoya. You ripped my pants. Prepare to dye them and maybe then the rip won’t be so noticeable…”

  4. ‘The Pants Lebowski’: a dude just wants to bowl a perfect game, but is thwarted by black-pantsed nihilists, and pants-dropping chinamen who pee on his stuff. “dude, those pants really tied your legs together.”

  5. Dead Pants Society: an English teacher at a prep school imparts to his students the deeper lessons to be learned from old pants.

  6. Brilliant! The title made me laugh out loud and be thankful I only wear elastic-waisted yoga pants these days.

  7. Pants Wars: A young nerf-herder discovers that he has mystical powers in his pants and must use them to defeat the Evil Empire.

  8. Gone With The Pants.

    Rated X.

  9. Wonderful … and so, too, the additions in the comments. I am inspired to add my own:

    Rebel without Pants — in which a young man defies his parents to pursue his life without trousers.

    Charlie and the Chocolate Pants — yummy but not for children.

    The Man in the Gray Flannel Pants — about a stylish gentleman struggling to find meaning in a world dominated by business.

    Carlito’s Pants — about an ex-con whose criminal pants will not let him go.

  10. Wow, these are hilarious. And hey, you could write log lines for a living.

  11. BRAVO!!! I have been trying to come up with something else ever since I received this post in my inbox. NADDA. But may I be proud for knowing all of the movies you mentioned here? :-)

  12. Pingback: Welcome Back, Pants | collecting tokens

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