election news in the Republic of Pants


Election day in the Democratic Republic of Pants is rapidly approaching, and excitement is growing over the race between the two major candidates, Trousers McPants and Corduroy O’Bloomer.

Speeches by both candidates have been striking some cords with large sections of the Pants Republic, leaving many pants feeling divided over the issues.

McPants has long suggested that the opposition pants are cut more for style than substance, and of a fashion that has not been worn long enough to stand the test of time. Recently, the McPants campaign has appeared at times to attempt to stain the very fabric of O’Bloomer’s character, bringing up associations with outfits that are considered inappropriate for the pair of pants that will cover the biggest seat of the Pants government. O’Bloomer’s campaign has responded that such threadbare associations are not material to the election.

At a rally last week, McPants promised that he would “beat the pants off” O’Bloomer, an off the cuff remark that led to outcries from the O’Bloomer camp. In response, supporters of O’Bloomer have suggested that Trousers McPants is not only cut of the same cloth as the incumbent, Jodpur Britches, but even getting to be frayed around the edges.

It appears that more and more prominent Pants Republic citizens are coming out of the closet to declare their belief that O’Bloomer is overall the stronger pair of pants, leaving some McPants supporters feeling that they’ve been hung out to dry. Among O’Bloomer supporters, the feeling is strong that if McPants wins the election, the population of the Pants Republic will be taken to the cleaners.

After the recent economic downturn, with recession looming and fears that the Pants economy is coming apart at the seams, citizens of the Pants Republic are eager to learn how the candidates will address the issues. As the Pants treasury does not have infinitely deep pockets, many wonder if the Pants government will need to tighten its belt.

Come hell or highwaters, one pair of pants will be chosen in the coming weeks. And right now, it looks like the Republic is ready to change its pants.

——

This post was written for this week’s Monday Mission, hosted by Painted Maypole, which solicits posts in the style of campaign coverage.

25 responses to “election news in the Republic of Pants

  1. this is bloody BRILLIANT. It is so clever and all about PANTS (and so, so, so much more!)

    (however, I’m tempted to say you failed to mention McPants’ running mate Capri Pantsin, who seems to be a few inches short of a decent inseam)

  2. I snorted. I SNORTED Alejna.

  3. Don’t be snorting in her pants. Next thing you know, she’ll be asking if you swallow.

  4. Oh Alejana. Pants by any other name…

  5. aha! that certainly explains this sign.

  6. Brilliant. Absolutely. Perfect. And I had a mouthful of coffee when I got to ‘hung out to dry’.

  7. And you must, must go and look at jenny’s link. Second coffee-up-the-nose moment.

  8. Fantastic!! Following Pants politics as closely as I do, this was just what I was looking for: straight-legged, no cuffs, not cut on the bias …

    I might have to share this with my students!

  9. You are a genius!

  10. Crap. I uesd Kyla’s exact words. I’m a plagiarist just like the pair of pants that recently got elected up here. I might’ve had a wittier comment but I am currently wearing my pajama pants and ergo must go to bed.

  11. Still, the genius comment stands.

  12. “Half-breed muslin.” Oy, I am dying here.

  13. Just nominated this for a ROFL award, btw. The awards don’t come out ’til Nov 7th but I’ll be laughing about this until then.

  14. Freaking Brilliant. Seriously. Well done!

  15. painted-
    Yes, I have some doubts about the quality of McPants’ running mate, too.

    flutter-
    Oh, if only I could have been there to hear you snort.

    raincoaster-
    Now, now. That’s personal. What happens in my pants stays in my pants.

    dragonfly-
    By any other name? Trousers, slacks, pantaloons…Fred?

    jenny-
    That is too freakin’ funny. Or sad. Or scary. Or all of the above.

    Mary G.-
    Sorry about the coffee…and yeah, that link was hi-larious.

    girlgriot-
    You’ve bee following Pants politics, too? (And I’m flattered yhat you are thinking of sharing my pants with your students.)

    Kyla-
    Aw, thanks. I’m flattered to the bottom of my pants.

    Mad-
    An ROFL award? I’m tickled. I will put it in my pants and treasure it always.

    City Girl-
    Many thanks!

  16. A Muslin? I thought he was going for the Poplin-ist vote.

  17. jeanerz-
    Poplinist. You’re funny.

  18. Yay — thanks for submitting this to the Carnival of Satire!

  19. Pingback: The Skwib · Carnival of Satire (#107)

  20. Saw the title of this post in Mad’s reader, and had to come have a look – brillers!

  21. Pingback: The Republic of Pants: Election 2012 | collecting tokens

  22. Pingback: in no particular order | collecting tokens

  23. Pingback: The 2016 Republic of Pants election | collecting tokens

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