lightbulb jokes


Yes, I admit it. I got a bit burnt out in the blogging business. 40 posts in 30 days is too, too much. And I have far too many blogs in my feedreader. And I’m busy with work. And busy with life. And I’m just really tired. I need to go to sleep.

So, even though I have a bunch of posts in progress, and owe some stories based on that done/not done checklist, I’m just going to post a couple more jokes. Many of our last round of jokes featured the theme of “walking into a bar.” (Thank you for all those contributions, folks.) Here I give the other perennial favorite, the lightbulb joke.

These two lightbulb jokes are my favorites, and I’ll give you a bonus story. I first heard them while on a boat going down the Amazon, sitting around on hammocks. On Thanksgiving day, no less. That would have been in 1991. There were other jokes, and plenty of other tales from that trip, but here are two jokes that I can share quickly. (And yes, I realize that they are pretty similar.):
light_bulb_black_bg.png

    Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: Two, but they have to be pretty small mice.

    Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: Two, but how do you get them in there?

Please share your lightbulb jokes with me. Pretty please?

18 responses to “lightbulb jokes

  1. I just read this guy’s blog post – it was so funny!

    http://privatesecretdiary.com/2007/11/09/i-write-a-joke/

    Here’s the link – you’ll laugh!

  2. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Just one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.

  3. How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Two. One to screw in the bulb, the other to hold the penis…No! Mother….No! LADDER!!!

  4. Dadaists?

    Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to place the brightly coloured objects in the bath.

  5. How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Just one, to hold the lightbulb and wait for the world to revolve around him.

    What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
    You can unscrew the lightbulb.

  6. How many stagehands does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Three – you gotta problem with that?

  7. PS – though maybe that’s not true anymore, since the stagehands just renegotiated their contract.

  8. I hear you on burn out. Not sure why it hit me *now* but it has. I think it is because of the Big A$$ Clusterf@ck weekend on my horizon and a cold.

    Anyway.

    Love the levity. That mice in a lightbulb joke cracked me up.

    I still got nothing, so I had to go look.

    * How do you catch a red elephant?
    * With a red elephant trap.

    And because I am so cynical and have a thing against raccoons these days LOL:

    The local police, FBI, and CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.

    The CIA goes in: They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

    Then the FBI goes in: After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

    Then the local police go in: They come out two hours later with a badly beaten raccoon. The raccoon is yelling: ” Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

    Julie
    Using My Words

  9. Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: None. That’s a hardware problem.

  10. Oh dear yes!.

    I’ve only just signed up / into the google reader and I’m just beginning to get the hang of it.
    Cheers

  11. Pingback: candles at both ends « collecting tokens

  12. Linda-
    Thanks for dropping by, and leaving the lovely lightbulb linkage. What a wealth of lightbulb jokes are in the comments, too!

    az-
    Those are three great ones! Such a bounty. Thanks!

    Stella-
    Cool. I’ve heard a version of the “men” one with various performing artists, I think.

    magpie-
    I think I may be lacking in knowledge of stagehands. But I don’t have a problem with that.

    julie-
    Big A$$ Clusterf@ck ? Is that the theme of your daughters’ party? I’m imagining balloons and other party favors…
    And I enjoyed your cynical joke. Thanks for sharing it.

    Saradiba-
    That’s a good one. (Thanks for dropping by, too. That’s an interesting site you’ve started, by the way.)

    Maddy-
    Cheers to you, too!

  13. How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    None. They screw in redwood hot tubs.

  14. How many meth addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    One and an eighth.

  15. How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    One, but the guitar player has to show him how to do it.

  16. How many Microsoft employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    None. Microsoft declared that darkness will be the new standard.

  17. how many lutherans does it take to change a lightbulb?

    “change?!? What do you mean CHANGE? my GRANDFATHER donated that lightbulb!!!”

  18. Pingback: How many months does it take me to change a lightbulb? | collecting tokens

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