Shiver me timbers! Give me a job! Arrrr.

Dirty John Rackham


To contribute to your organization’s success through the use of exceptional customer service, managerial, and plundering skills. Or to find a position as a nanny. Arrrr.


  • Hard-working, tough-skinned swash-buckling individual with questionable personal hygiene
  • Exceptional versatility, adaptability and swaggering
  • Solid managerial, administrative and looting experience
  • Ability to manage multiple tasks in a pressured environment.

Interpersonal and Managerial skills

  • Interacted with and kidnapped a wide variety of personalities while pillaging, plundering, and wreaking havoc.
  • Delivered excellent customer service and conducted in-house plundering promotions
  • Proved multi-tasking abilities by scheduling and supervising crew of scurvy dogs, bilge rats and lily livered scalliwags
  • Served as right hand to notorious Bloody Captain Roberts (whose original right hand was lost to gangrene)

Administrative skills

  • Completed, submitted and burned edges of invoices and maps for buried treasure.
  • Fondled large sums of loot and booty.
  • Maintained rum inventory control.
  • Looted petty cash, payroll, inventory, accounts receivable and payable.
  • Said “Arrrrr!” a lot. (Mayhaps that be an interpersonal skill.)


  • Sailin’ the seas since I were a young lad and had all me teeth.


  • I learnt things th’ hard way. I got th’ scars t’ prove it, ye landlubber. Arrrr.


This post can be blamed on a confluence of unrelated events: the Monday Mission, which asks this week for a post in the form of a resume, and the approach of Talk Like a Pirate Day (which is coming up on Wednesday, September 19.) This resume is very loosely based on a sample resume. Actually, quite a lot of lines from the resume worked pretty well from that verbatim. Arrrr.

9 responses to “Shiver me timbers! Give me a job! Arrrr.

  1. you are freaking KILLING me over here.

    Arrrr! I’ll give you a job stealing some gold coins and kidnapping some wenches.

  2. I knew that “Talk Like A Pirate Day” was on the horizon but I didn’t know when. I’m happy to have the reminder.

    This was freakin’ hilarious btw.

  3. That is wonderful. I’d hire you, if I needed a pirate.

  4. painted-

    Me killin’ days are in the past!

    You mean the holiday wasn’t already marked on your calendar?

    If the grad school thing doesn’t work out, maybe I’ll look into pirating.

  5. Methinks yer overqualified! Arrrr!

  6. NotSoSage-
    Aye, that is what they tell me when they turn me down for the job. Or mayhaps I need to finetune me interview skills. Arrrrr.

  7. Pingback: unable to offer you a position at this time « collecting tokens

  8. Pingback: Arrrrr! « collecting tokens

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