Baby, it’s cold inside.


It’s time for The Sixth Annual Blogger Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert, and I managed to get my act together this year. (As promised.) I wrote lyrics. I sang. A duet. I even made a short movie. If you want to hear me singing, and want to see more proof of my insanity, go check out the concert at Neil’s place. (I’m all the way at the bottom, probably because of the lateness of my submission. I said I got my act together, not that I did so in a timely way…) Make sure you check out some of the other fantastic submissions of songs and photos, too. It’s a whole load of multi-holiday festiveness.

And here are my all-new¹ lyrics, based on Frank Loesser’s holiday standard:

    Baby, It’s Cold Inside

      This cold really blows
                      (Yeah baby it’s cold inside)
      I can’t feel my toes
                      (Yeah baby it’s cold inside)
      This whole house has been
                      (Been keeping the fuel use down)
      As cold as snow
                      (I know the temp’s been kept real low)
      My fingers will start to fall off
                      (Well why did take your gloves off?)
      My thumbs will surely drop on the floor
                      (I’ll try to stop the draft from the door)
      I’m going for the thermostat now
                      (No, baby just put on your hat now)
      But maybe just a half degree more
                      (Are those all the layers you wore?)
      My earlobes will freeze
                      (Look at this scarf I wear)
      My limbs will all seize
                      (Try some long underwear)
      I wish I knew how
                      (You look like a snowman now)
      To warm my feet
                      (Put on more socks, don’t touch the heat)
      I’m sure that I’ll freeze my ass off
                      (We’re lucky it’s not the gas off)
      This cold is going to break my will
                      (At least we’ll have a lower fuel bill)
      This cold really blows
                      (oh baby don’t give in)
      Baby it’s cold inside
                      Baby it’s cold inside
                                      Baby it’s cold inside

        ¹ “All-new” is not entirely accurate. I wrote this last December, but not in time for Neil’s concert. Last winter, as you may or may not know, was a particularly long, cold and icy one in New England. Seeing as I’ve been working at reducing my personal fossil fuel dependency, I have lobbied for setting the thermostat lower in the winter in our house. While our house isn’t really old, it isn’t super new either. What it is is super drafty. The result is that it can get downright chilly at times. I have many memories of the cool indoors from growing up; wearing layers of sweaters and warm socks is a winter tradition. I bundled up quite a lot last winter. But there aren’t enough socks and sweaters in the world to make me tolerate the wintertime temperatures in our downstairs bathroom:

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    14 responses to “Baby, it’s cold inside.

    1. Wow! That is really unacceptably cold for an indoor temperature.

      But I love your lyrics and the cute stuffed animal (?) with the scarf and hat on! Now I’ll have to go watch you in the concert.

      • Yes, I do find that bathroom to be unreasonably cold. Happily, our house has other bathroom options.

        Glad you like the lyrics and the animal. It’s an octopus, which you may have seen in the movie.

    2. Wow! I just watched your video and I’m very impressed: not only did you write the funny lyrics and sing *both* parts of the duet, but I also love the video! So cute!
      Happy holidays to you and I hope you manage to stay warm!

      • Thanks for checking out the video, Sally! I had a lot of fun making the movie. I can’t tolerate hearing me singing the song anymore. I hear too many of the places where things were a bit off.

        Happy holidays to you, too!

    3. That stuffed toy is cute! :b

      Re cold indoors: did I tell you that we didn’t have central heating at my English boarding school and my bedroom had a blow heater which my room-mate and I were told we could not keep on at night because there was a danger that it would blow up?! ;(

      • Yes, that octopus is quite photogenic, isn’t it? It’s the big cartoon eyes.

        And that does sound like you had some cold nights in boarding school! I bet it was hard to get out of the bed in the morning.

    4. I thoroughly loved your song – lyrics, movie, the whole thing. I assumed that Neil put it last because it was BEST!

    5. I finally have central heating and double-glazed windows for the first time in the 20 years I’ve lived in Spain. But it’s still about 55ºF in my house in the morning before I put the heat on…

      • 55ºF! Yikes! How can you get out of bed to even turn the heat on? My memories of Sevilla are so warm and sunny, my head has trouble reconciling that sort of chilliness. But the buildings are probably not well insulated for winter.

        I remember lots of chilly mornings at my grandmother’s house when I was little, but I never knew the actual temperatures. It may well have been in the 50s. My sister and I used to come downstairs in the morning and huddle directly in front of the big gas heater to warm up because the rest of the house was too cold!

    6. 57.7! How do you stand it?! That is winter outdoors here!

      VERY cute song!

      • In fact, I cannot stand the 57.7, Kyla. We keep the door closed, and mostly just do laundry in there, since it’s also our laundry room. (Though when the dryer is going, things aren’t too bad. A major source of the cold is actually the dryer vent. Also somewhat the poorly insulated floor. And window. And the baseboard heater in there doesn’t seem to do much. Okay, it’s just a cold room.)

    7. Oh, that was brilliant–creative and fun on every level. I loved it! I also love the red sofa, which looks remarkably like MY red sofa. Every house needs at least one red sofa. Mine also has a purple one, but not in the same room as the red one–I do have standards.

      My parents were frugal Yankees and Great Depression survivors who always kept the thermostat low and lowered it even further at night. At one point in my childhood, we lived in a big farmhouse with no insulation. I was always cold. ALWAYS. So happy to go away to college and enjoy a room with a big steam radiator in it. Over the years, I have economized on many things, but never the heat!

      • Thanks, V-Grrrl! I had a lot of fun doing this. (And spent a lot of time doing it when I probably should have been doing other things…)

        I love the red sofa, too. It was passed on to us by my husband’s aunt and uncle. The red velvet is quite worn, and it probably should be redone. I think I’d want to stick with red velvet.

        Our house is actually toasty warm compared to my grandmother’s house was. And likely steamy compared to the uninsulated farmhouse of your childhood! But I had been spoiled in recent years…

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