Biologists the world over are expressing cautious excitement over reports of the discovery of a new species of animal life that was discovered last Friday.
Reports were received of a number of small furry creatures residing in the refrigerator of a Massachusetts family’s home. Animal control officers on the scene then reported the hitherto unidentified animals to the scientific community.
The Chenopodiaceae Beta Fuzzae, or Fuzzae Beet as it has been nicknamed, appears to thrive in the dark, chilly ecosystem of the vegetable drawer, and requires only as much light as is offered by the little lightbulb that goes on when the refrigerator door is opened. It resembles a common beet root in appearance, but with a coat of downy fur, and is believed to be part vegetable and part mammal. It was observed roaming among the piles of arugula and turnip greens, and exhibited signs of rudimentary intelligence. “One of them looked right at me, and I was sure it was going to start speaking,” said Bob Loobsteele of Animal Control, who was first to arrive on the scene.
A family of the Fuzzae Beets have been extracted from the rest of the colony their natural habitat, in order that their behavior may be studied under more controlled conditions.
The implications of this discovery are far-reaching. “With so many other species being threatened by climate change, it is heartening to find that new life is evolving,” says Dr. Frank Murgentroober, head of the Springfield University Department of Paranormal Vegetable Phenomena. “We think it’s only a matter of time before more life forms are found lingering in the depths of neglected vegetable drawers, or even emerging from pizza boxes left under the bed in college dorm rooms.”
Dr. Wilma P. Snodgrass of Large Urban University, however, is a dissenting voice among the excited scientific community. “We think this may well turn out to be a hoax, or the twisted delusions of someone who has far too many vegetables on their hands.”
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This improbable report is brought to you hot off the presses of this week’s Monday Mission, which solicited posts in the style of a news article.
10 responses so far ↓
bs // November 5, 2007 at 11:06 pm |
what, no picture??
emily // November 6, 2007 at 12:39 am |
Ha. I believe I had the rare and as of yet undocumented cousin of the furry beet in my fridge just yesterday…Cucurbita Pepo fuzzae, or furry zucchini. Not pretty. And I’m happy to report, it’s moved on.
painted maypole // November 6, 2007 at 1:14 am |
ha ha! most excellent. I laughed all the way through it. loved this name: Loobsteele
azahar // November 6, 2007 at 5:02 am |
Yes, I’d like some photo evidence too.
chrissy // November 6, 2007 at 10:34 am |
Great job on the mission. I think I have a similar creature growing in a Tupperware container of spaghetti sauce right now.
Stella // November 6, 2007 at 7:38 pm |
Every now and again, I run training sessions on time management. One of my best tips is to turn the vegie crisper drawer into your compost bin. It’s going to happen anyway. Why fight it?
Kimberly // November 7, 2007 at 2:17 pm |
I believe we saw it’s cousin – fuzzae strawberris just a couple of weeks ago.
KC // November 7, 2007 at 9:37 pm |
I’m scared of the fuzzae genera . They sneak up on you when you’re not paying attention. Even worse in the soupy brown genera.
pictures of purple produce (PhotoHunt) « collecting tokens // April 18, 2009 at 8:12 pm |
[...] looking.) Nor did manage to get any striking photos of deep purple beets. (Not even the ones that sprouted fur and came to life in my [...]
from behind closed doors « collecting tokens // November 30, 2009 at 9:40 pm |
[...] Additionally, there are many other items whose earthly remains may no longer be identifiable by visual means. There is a glass container which houses, according to our records, what had once been a portion of Canned Black Beans. We consider it advisable that these remains be removed from our premises and disposed of posthaste. Failure to do so may result in additional spoilage and potential generation of new life-forms. [...]