Shiver me timbers! Give me a job! Arrrr.


Dirty John Rackham
jrackham@arrrrr.com

OBJECTIVE

To contribute to your organization’s success through the use of exceptional customer service, managerial, and plundering skills. Or to find a position as a nanny. Arrrr.

QUALIFICATIONS

  • Hard-working, tough-skinned swash-buckling individual with questionable personal hygiene
  • Exceptional versatility, adaptability and swaggering
  • Solid managerial, administrative and looting experience
  • Ability to manage multiple tasks in a pressured environment.

PROFESSIONAL SKILLS
Interpersonal and Managerial skills

  • Interacted with and kidnapped a wide variety of personalities while pillaging, plundering, and wreaking havoc.
  • Delivered excellent customer service and conducted in-house plundering promotions
  • Proved multi-tasking abilities by scheduling and supervising crew of scurvy dogs, bilge rats and lily livered scalliwags
  • Served as right hand to notorious Bloody Captain Roberts (whose original right hand was lost to gangrene)

Administrative skills

  • Completed, submitted and burned edges of invoices and maps for buried treasure.
  • Fondled large sums of loot and booty.
  • Maintained rum inventory control.
  • Looted petty cash, payroll, inventory, accounts receivable and payable.
  • Said “Arrrrr!” a lot. (Mayhaps that be an interpersonal skill.)

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

  • Sailin’ the seas since I were a young lad and had all me teeth.

EDUCATION

  • I learnt things th’ hard way. I got th’ scars t’ prove it, ye landlubber. Arrrr.

——

This post can be blamed on a confluence of unrelated events: the Monday Mission, which asks this week for a post in the form of a resume, and the approach of Talk Like a Pirate Day (which is coming up on Wednesday, September 19.) This resume is very loosely based on a sample resume. Actually, quite a lot of lines from the resume worked pretty well from that verbatim. Arrrr.

About these ads

9 responses to “Shiver me timbers! Give me a job! Arrrr.

  1. you are freaking KILLING me over here.

    Arrrr! I’ll give you a job stealing some gold coins and kidnapping some wenches.

  2. I knew that “Talk Like A Pirate Day” was on the horizon but I didn’t know when. I’m happy to have the reminder.

    This was freakin’ hilarious btw.

  3. That is wonderful. I’d hire you, if I needed a pirate.

  4. painted-
    Thanky–arrrr!

    jen-
    Me killin’ days are in the past!

    Mad-
    You mean the holiday wasn’t already marked on your calendar?

    magpie-
    If the grad school thing doesn’t work out, maybe I’ll look into pirating.

  5. Methinks yer overqualified! Arrrr!

  6. NotSoSage-
    Aye, that is what they tell me when they turn me down for the job. Or mayhaps I need to finetune me interview skills. Arrrrr.

  7. Pingback: unable to offer you a position at this time « collecting tokens

  8. Pingback: Arrrrr! « collecting tokens

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s