Kyla-
Thanks so much. For your comments, and for stopping by. I’ve just been by your place via the Just Posts, too. I was very moved by your story and your writing. I’m so glad you are finding your voice.

That email is horrid, by the way.

But you’re right that calmly speaking up, with respect, and patience, will get you farther than contempt and cynicism (or silence- I guess you were writing about silence, the contempt and cynicism came from me), even if it just gets people thinking. No doubt a lesson I need to learn. But it just seems that those who have spoken calmly, and eloquently, and rationally during this whole fiasco have just gotten mocked and beaten down with talking points. Hence my cynicism and frustration. And I don’t think America is so much anti-war at the moment as they are anti-losing-a-war. Which also makes me cynical. Ah well, I guess this just makes “finding one’s voice” all the more important.

I’m sensing some anger…

I have to respond that I still consider my friend to be a friend, in spite of the offense. I value her friendship, and respect her viewpoint, even though I think she was wrong in this area. I’m almost totally sure that she had no idea how much the email would offend me. (If she had sent it knowing that I’d just been to a peace march, I’m not sure how I’d feel about that. But I don’t believe that to be the case, so perhaps I don’t need to worry about it. And if she’d actually punched me in the nose…well…)

I’ve had the advantage of time and distance about the email message. I appreciate your validation of my feeling of offense when I received it, though.

You say you think that having a discussion with my friend would have been pointless. Maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe she just hadn’t been exposed to the other viewpoint without the right-wing filter. Maybe by talking to her I could have made her stop to think. At least about sending out potentially offensive emails, if not about changing her worldview. And that would have been a start. I can’t help feeling that I’ve done her a disservice by not talking to her about this directly. I still need to. I’d like to think that I’d learn about it if I offended a friend. Even if it wasn’t a personal attack.

michael-
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. It certainly has been frustrating these past few years.

- Your post made me realize that you are truly a pacifist, whereas my objections to the war are more on the intellectual end of the spectrum. I mean, I know that your objections are well reasoned too, but it occurs to me that you are maybe more focused than I am on the death/suffering that the war has caused, and that also you still have some degree of compassion for people like your neighbor. Whereas although I *say* I’m not a fan of war, I wouldn’t object too strongly if a few bombs were lobbed in the direction of your neighbor. No torture though.. torture makes me squeamish. Anyway, that was my round-about way of saying that I think you’re a better, or at least bigger, person than I am. And I mean “bigger” in a metaphorical sense, not in a “bigger than a first generation iPod” sense.

- I know things were pretty scary a few years ago, but I think part of the problem with speaking out wasn’t just that it was a risk, but that it was pointless. You imply that if you’d spoken out, you might have been able to have a “discussion” with your neighbor, but I’m skeptical about this. On the one occasion when I tried to engage in a discussion with someone I knew who had turned into a rabid conservative, all my well reasoned arguments were just hit with inane talking points. Pointing out that the justification for attacking Iraq was weak? “We need to fight them over there so they don’t attack us here.” Pointing out the sketchiness of people who had avoided service themselves asking others to now make that sacrifice? “George Bush served honorably during Vietnam.” (that pretty much ended the conversation)

- The information was out there. I don’t see how anyone can seriously use “we were lied to” as an excuse. I mean, we *were* lied to, but it wasn’t that hard to figure this out. Hey, I knew! I still don’t know if I feel more offended by the 30 percent of Americans who support the administration (at least they’re consistent!), or the 60 percent who- sheeplike- supported the war 3 years ago, and now- sheeplike- are against the war. (because they’re shocked- shocked!- that it’s taking a long time! and it costs money! and people are getting killed!). Where am I going with this? Well, again, I think you’re more optimistic than I am, and I’m skeptical that you could have engaged in any kind of meaningful discussion with these people when they were in their Sheep1.0 phase. And I’m not highly encouraged by the Sheep2.0 upgrade. The next demagogue that comes along and offers the comfort of a black and white world, they’ll be there in lock-step.

bitter.. bitter.. sorry about the length and bitterness… your post just struck a nerve..